- Scientific evidence for arse covering extremis - 2nd June 2020
- Castle Lockdowngate - 28th May 2020
- Clap Clap - 24th May 2020
Dearly beloved Sheeple
It has come to my attention that a senior bellwether (from another flock) escaped recently from his lockdown pen along with his favourite primary ewe and a baby lamb.
He was photographed by paparazzi weasels munching on bluebells in the grounds of Barnard Castle, a local beauty spot. He now claims that he had (and still has) the tacit approval from the Prime Shepherd and that he thought (after extensive research on Google) that bluebells were a cure for the current virus from which they were suffering. He claims that at no time did he mingle with other flocks or herds in spite of the long trek (260+miles allegedly) to get there. GPS Monitoring and surveilance of his electronic eartag by the ferret police have confirmed that he even made more short trips in search of bluebells and, bizarrely, to test his eyesight!
Expert Opinion
Our expert scientists tell me that neither bluebells nor daffodils (another spring flowering bulb) are cures for viral disease. Daffodils and snowdrops do, however, contain various pharmacologically active compounds (galantamines) that could be used for Alzheimers but no antivirals as yet. It’s unknown whether you can get high on galantamines!
Uproar
Of course, there has been an uproar in the meerkat gutterpress and calls for him to be sent to the abbatoir along with his ewe and baby lamb as they are no longer fit for human consumption. This would be a tragic mistake and we would never know what secret kompromat he holds over the Prime Shepherd.
Rose Garden
He was recently spotted grazing in the Prime Shephard’s Rose Garden giving credence to the claim that he still has the full support of the Prime Shepherd. Of course, since he is a fellow member of the Honourable Guild of Bellwethers and wearer of the Honorary Bell, which dates back to the times of the Templar Knights, I have to take his word as Gospel.
Move along, nothing to see here.
Tomorrow – why facilities for the disabled are being questioned at BBC Cymru Wales’ new multi-million pound headquarters in Cardiff.
The memories of our Editor Phil Parry’s extraordinary award-winning career in journalism as he was gripped by the incurable disabling condition Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia (HSP), have been released in a major book ‘A GOOD STORY’. Order the book now!
If you need something to keep the kids entertained during these uncertain times (in Welsh) try Ffwlbart Ffred about the amusing stories of Ffred and his pet.